I have some amazing friends. Friends who have a genuine concern for me. And when I say friends, I mean family too who have behaved as friends looking out for My wellbeing. My growth. My happiness… and my joy. When you whittle it down to the word genuine… or sincere… that list becomes a small few. Oh, I don’t mean to say I don’t have some friends around, but I mean to say that when you can strip away the worldly things, who are the people who encourage you without some interest of self-gain, isn’t that smaller circle worth it? They say age brings wisdom. When people say they would love to go back or be younger, I say- no way. I would not trade what I have learned in life for a more youthful self who knows not a quarter of what I have learned. Would I love to have the body I once had that my metabolism laughed at that pizza I could consume and then still fit into the teenie bikini the next day? Well, sure. But the “extra” I have gained is not just in the number on the scales or the increased number on the tag of my shorts… it is in the knowledge that cannot be found in anything but miles, experiences- good and bad- tribulations and walking the walk in the shoes you were given upon your very birth. I have had my share of tribulations, haven’t we all? Would I change them if I could? Of course, I would but not without retaining the insight that I have gained from living. When people cannot imagine some of the things that have happened in my life, which are far less that some people, I am grateful and happy they cannot. I pray they do not have to. And there are some unimaginable things I have seen. But what you cannot see is that when faced with particular adversities you are unlocking a place in life that is hidden to most. There is a beauty to the beast of … would you call it misfortune? Sadness? Affliction? Sorrow? These are all the words that present themselves when you open a thesaurus to the word “adversity”. Believe it or not, there is always a silver lining to a terrible situation. If you grow enough to see it. We are all faced with choices. I try to go with the choice that will open the path to growth and enlightenment. Ok, we are all human, including me, and there are the definite times when the human side will consume the enlightenment side and often in an instant we will choose the human side of a kneejerk reaction. Even in those times, something will be learned. Usually, for me, I must learn this is the wrong path and I will toil with regret until it becomes something I can manage into an experience I can chalk eventually up to growth. It’s like taking the long way around your elbow just to get to your thumb when if chosen wisely, you can see the path to enlightenment was only a short jump over a few obstacles. In my opinion, this is the root of our existence. Why else would we find ourselves in the middle of this life wondering what the actual meaning of life is. Why else have we been placed here on Earth if not to find a higher self, to prepare us for a better place? If we don’t learn these lessons and find that when all else had failed and there is no other place to turn but to lift our eyes and hearts up toward heaven and ask our Father for help, what are we accomplishing? It is the grand plan. It is freewill. It is coming to the place in life when we have the choice to finally realize that we are made in His image and all He is and has waited on our whole lives is for us to come back to Him and humbly ask forgiveness and guidance from the very one who created us. For this purpose. Does He care if you have obtained the wealth of the world in your pocket? That you have reached the pinnacle of human existence by retaining the worldliest of possessions, you live in the finest house on your block and have gotten fat in more ways than your waistline and you can now dole out what you see fit for the rest of society to receive from your inflated existence? It is when you can realize that your growth as a person has halted, and you believe you have “gotten it” and self-inflection is no longer necessary because “you have got it “that you are completely missing the mark and that is when self-inflection is most needed. “It’s hard to be humble when you are perfect”. Trust me when I say to you that this is when your world is just about to find itself upside down and you will be searching through the rubble that was your life wondering how it went so wrong and how it could have been reduced to this, that you will realize that is not where God wanted you and He will remind you that it is from your knees is the best place to reach for Him.
Where I am finding myself, these days is within a small, tight circle of humans who are rooting for my success. As a human being. Who wish to see me rise up off the couch and find meaning simply by conquering the day. To have one friend who reaches out and says, “You need to write. Someone will listen to your words and find something they might need to rise up from the couch too”, is more valuable than you can know. To see something, you have missed about yourself and wish for you to ignite it and watch the flame of your soul light your very own way if not perhaps someone else’s. To have a daughter who says, “You are worthy of these things in life because you deserve them, and God never intended us to feel this pain alone for too long”. To have family that reaches out and reminds you “that self-care is important” is instrumental in our growth. A partner who cares if you should get out of your comfort zone because leaving it will bring new sprouts of growth you can watch grow into new directions and produce fruit you never even knew you possessed. This is sincerity. Genuine watchfulness and observation and simply put, care for your soul. People who encourage, motivate and cultivate things in you that you had forgotten or deemed yourself unworthy of or see potential you are letting waste not spend time trying to tear at you, pull you apart, rip things from your hands for their own selfish gain.
There are people who will come and go in your life. People you would never imagined who would come into it and people you could never have imagined in a million years would leave it. But then again, even Jesus in His divine wisdom was pained by Judas and that kiss. Hard as it may be, it is an opportunity for growth. You are not losing anything. You are gaining so much more. It was not in the comfort of their existence in your world that you were striving for something more. You were taking comfort in an existence that had nothing to do with you. Comfort, while wonderful, will not bring about the” change” your soul requires to become what it is that we were created to be. The challenges lie within the human affliction of “NOW”. “I must react to this “NOW””, “I must do this NOW”. Reaching out of the human condition to find something difficult like, patience, is the act of learning. Sit with the troubles and learn to understand that what is being requested of you is not a reaction but how to proceed in a path of higher learning. The term “high road” takes on a whole new meaning when you are standing at the base of the hill to that high road. How steep it appears and how taking that first step UP is the most difficult and most important. Pigs enjoy the mud. But no one wants to be around a muddy pig. 🙂 If you enjoy feeling the mud from a puddle you did not yourself climb out of, maybe you are the pig.
Finding yourself questioning everything around you and everything you thought you knew to be true is not the end of the road. It is the beginning. It is a new road toward a better place you had no idea you needed or even existed. But here it is. It has presented itself not for your demise but rather for your journey to a better view. Much more can be seen from the top of that high road. Ohhhhhh, it seems so difficult and daunting. Surely it is. Begin. Accept that change and don’t look back. Looking back will only slow you down. When you open a box and everything you have is in pieces, but you know once assembled, it will be the thing you had hoped for… It feels overwhelming. The Gemini in me immediately wants to close the box and find something else more fulfilling to do. And most often times, I do. But it will remain on my mind. And it will until I return. And I know that box still awaits ME. And only ME. Yes, I can find someone to share that construction and that is alright. But what is disassembled in that box was meant for me. It is the thing that I ordered… that I, myself, asked for. I will have to find the instructions and muster up the PATIENCE to read through them, find the pieces and begin. Then the road to satisfaction will begin. Undoubtedly there will be moments of frustration. This piece won’t fit like the instructions read that they will. But take a moment and move the piece, look at it differently. Adjust it. You will not know until you do, that finally, it was just as it was supposed to be- as it was written. Then with an intensity, a conscious effort and determination, one day you will complete that project and enjoy the thing you had hoped for and all it was intended to be. When all of the pieces of the “new thing” are scattered about in the bottom of a cardboard box, when nothing looks like anything, when the idea of it overwhelms you, find the first piece, according to the words written and begin. Find the next piece and the next… work until they fit. There is great satisfaction in building it yourself and KNOWING how you did it. And when you are done, you are equipped with the knowledge so that when you do it again or let’s say you have a friend that is faced with or wants what you have built out of that box… well, you will be able to help them navigate it to the end with greater ease. That. Is the point. Keep perspective. Keep diligent. Try not to be distracted by looking away from the words and thinking you can do it yourself; you will end up deconstructing it and starting over.
Life is full of hills to climb. There are many plateaus along the way. Enjoy them while you can. If you do not find yourself at the bottom of a hill now and again, then is when you should question, am I on a plateau or a mud puddle? Finding yourself without some mud does not necessarily mean you have made it. Sometimes the mud becomes so cool, so easy and so comfortable that you can’t even see you are covered in it. Be self-aware. Look in the mirror. Take accountability for YOU. Look around you. What do you see? Have you anyone in your life that cares about you without secondary motives who will be honest with you and tell you have mud in your eye? If you don’t have someone who is not afraid to be brutally honest with you, you might be in the mud. Or could it be that if they tell you that you have mud in your eye, they will have to admit they have mud in theirs as well? Wipe the mud from your own eyes and remember. Nobody wants to be around a muddy pig… unless they too are a muddy pig.
Walk up that hill today friends. I am looking for that first step. It probably won’t be a beautiful staircase built to the top but look for that first step you can place your foot on and make sure it is solid. Then go.
In His name,
JHW+
Previously Letters to Linda 